Just Practicing
by Saber Wing
Summary: "...I'd still rather it be you than anyone else, even after all these years." Squall x Seifer


_**Author's Note: **_...yeah. I should be working on _Vengeance Will Be Served, _but a plot bunny bit me in the ass, and I have no choice but to run with it. I was thinking about how many fanfics there are featuring Squall and Rinoa romance, and I'm getting tired of it. Doesn't anyone write about other couples anymore? That's when I got an idea of my own for a Squall/Seifer oneshot. They are around fifteen and sixteen years old here.

I blame the awesome writers of _Second Chances _for making me love this pairing even more than I already did. If you like this slash couple, that story is the best of them all, and even if you don't like slash, it's more than worth reading. You should all check it out sometime.

Anyway, on a side note, yesterday was the best ever. I wrote half of this oneshot in one night, and I found the griever rings at my local anime store. Needless to say, I spazzed out and bought them immediately XD.

I don't own Final Fantasy VIII, or the characters. If I did, this pairing would be canon =p. Enjoy!

**Just Practicing**

**By: Angel Wings-008**

"Hey, watch what you're doing!" A piercing glare shot ferociously in his direction, and Squall did mean 'shot.' He could practically see the flames emerge, burning like a pair of hot coals. He'd felt the sting enough times to recognize it, although this time, he honestly couldn't find a reason to fault him for his hostility. It caused him physical pain to admit this, but the other man had every right to be angry.

Squall tightened his grip on the handle of his Revolver, inwardly cursing himself for allowing it to loosen so much in the first place. Fantastic. Now even his own disciplined nature was slipping.

Harsh gasps came in a constant stream as he and his rival clashed in a dance of steel against steel, but neither cadet payed their own fatigue any mind. Although, on this occasion, both had slightly different reasons for it, much to Squall's dismay. When it came to battle, he and Seifer were often on the same wavelength, but not today. The young gunblade specialist just couldn't seem to focus.

"...sorry." It killed him to say it, but he had no excuse. Blade met blade as he snapped to attention and countered the attack he had almost failed to see coming, attempting to mask how utterly appalled he was with his own inattention. How annoying. Where was his head? It should be on the task at hand, where it belonged.

A pause, as blazing blue-green eyes narrowed to a slit. Squall always hated when the older boy did that. It made him feel like a child all over again, and it didn't help matters when his rival launched forward, forcing Squall to retreat back a step under the onslaught.

"What the hell is your problem, Squally boy? This is pretty boring." A smirk curved his lips as he uttered the last part, and he paused in his tirade, beckoning to Squall with his hand, as he was often prone to doing. The gesture was so irritatingly taunting, it always got him all fired up. Damn him. Squall would show him 'boring' all right.

To hell with GFs. His gunblade was more than enough for him. With a murderous cry, he lunged at Seifer, dodging an attempt to wound his left side and slashing low for a shot at Seifer's chest. The elder boy blocked it and slid to the right with a fighter's grace; in one more fluid motion, he was behind Squall and aiming at his back, giving the other boy just enough time to turn and counter his attempt. Squall growled low in his throat, sweeping his gunblade forward with such force, he almost caused his rival to lose his grip on his weapon. However, unfortunately for Squall, he corrected himself and retreated backward, pausing to wipe the sweat from his brow onto the sleeve of his jacket.

_Oh no, you don't. _He was having none of that. There was no time for rest. If Seifer wanted a challenge, he was going to get one.

"You were saying?" Squall spat, advancing as he brought his blade down on what would be Seifer's abdomen. He'd be damned if he allowed himself to be stepped on like that. Seifer raised his own gunblade to clash with Squall's, a grin that was both taunting and arrogant gracing the features of his face. Was there ever a moment when he anything but cocky? Somehow, he didn't think so.

"Looks like you grew a pair. Congratulations. For a minute there, I was actually starting to worry. It would really suck if the only other gunblade specialist in Garden turned out to be such a disappointment." He shrugged his shoulders in a nonchalant manner, exactly the way Squall loathed. He was sure Seifer knew that too. He always seemed to enjoy pushing his buttons, and as much as he hated the fact, Seifer knew exactly where they all were.

Childish taunts were exactly that: childish. He wasn't about to stoop to his level. Theirs would be a fight of blade against blade, not insult after insult. That was his vow as he once again launched himself into the thick of battle.

The events that happened next were a blur, because really, he doubted any untrained eye could easily follow what they were doing. Seifer would advance, then Squall would gain the upper hand. Seifer would get a shot in, then Squall would push forward, only to even out the score yet again and send Seifer reeling back to where he'd started. Time was lost in this violent tirade, and, as strange as it sounded, Squall was loving every minute of it.

The fact of the matter was, as much as Squall might complain on the surface, his fights with Seifer were the only things that made him feel like he meant something to the world. This was the first time he'd been even remotely at ease for a very long time. The young man had been especially unsettled as of late, and apparently, that was going to keep getting worse no matter what he did. Although he was sparring with Seifer, he still couldn't clear his mind. On the contrary, he was trapped in it.

He knew it had something to do with this new training regimen all cadets in his class had been following for the past couple of months...he didn't know what else to think. Squall countered another strike aimed at his legs as his mind began to wander through the past few weeks, shifting his focus once again. Damn...they shouldn't be sparring when he was in such a shaky state of mind, but it brought him comfort, and he didn't want to let that selfish little comfort go.

This semester's curriculum required something special, and it wasn't what cadets his age had become accustom to. Usually, the use of Guardian Forces and Junctioning was emphasized from a young age. It was a very large part of their training, as much as, if not even more so, than their specialty weapon. As a result, when their magic instructor told them to unequip their Guardian Forces and hand them over to him, they had all been more than a little surprised.

He explained to the students that it was important not to be too reliant on their summoned monsters and junctioning abilities, and that in the event that their magic was inaccessible to them, they needed to know how to defend themselves using nothing but their weapons, intelligence, wit, and know how. As a result, when the students weren't in a lecture class or regular combat classes, they were expected to be eating, sleeping, or honing their skills in the training center. That would have been fine with Squall, and for the first month or so, it had been, but lately, he was starting to remember things. Things he had long forgotten, and couldn't understand why he had in the first place. He'd heard there was a connection between GFs and their user's memory, but he'd never actually believed those petty rumors before.

They unsettled him...and, if forced to admit it, he would say that they even frightened him...maybe just a little bit. After all, he had proof now that those seemingly petty rumors might be true.

Fragments of things long passed floated in and out of his consciousness, and he had no idea what any of them meant, or even where and when they were from. They were disconnected...fleeting; the memories themselves, anyway. He wished he could say the same about emotions that rose straight up to the surface, tormenting him to the point of sleeplessness.

Squall had walked alone for as long as he could remember, but how long was that, anyway? He didn't know anymore. There must be a reason he was the way he was, and it had never occurred to him to think about it before, but now that he _was _thinking about it, he could no longer recall any specific reason as to why. The knowledge was so dead and buried, he couldn't even remember a time when he _had_ known for himself. Who knew, truly? Maybe Squall simply didn't want to remember, and that was why his own memories were so easily slipping through his fingers.

It was unnatural. Even just the prospect of losing so many moments in time should be terrifying to him, and a part of him was scared, it was true. But...did he want them? The small things he _could _remember weren't at all appealing. Did Squall _really_ want the rest of them?

What did they mean? What did _any _of it mean?

A spunky little girl with brown pigtails, and a spring in her step. A woman with long black hair, and arms that held him tight. A boy with a gentle spirit, and a smile he always kept. Another girl with golden hair, protecting what she could with all her might. A small, blonde-headed boy, with a loud mouth and a big heart.

A boy with hair of reddish-blonde, and blue-green eyes that never left his sight.

They were incomplete, and sometimes he couldn't even put images together in his head, but the words were there. The feelings were there. The unbearable sense that he was missing something, was there. They were still out of his reach, and while a part of him wished to uncover them completely, an equally strong part wanted to bury them again.

_ "…...no."_

_ "Come on, why not?"_

_ "That sounds too weird. Leave me alone, Seifer!"_

_ "What, is the baby gonna cry now? Maybe I should call you chicken wuss! All you do is cry all by yourself since sis left, and that was a year ago. It's stupid. You have to cheer up sometime, and this looked like fun."_

_ "Well, I don't wanna...I don't need anyone to cheer me up. I-I can take care of myself! I-I'll be okay without s-sis!"_

_ "Then why are you bawling like that? I knew it, you are a baby. Don't be a moron, grown-ups do it all the time, so we're gonna have to do it sometimes too. I'd rather it be you than the others. You're not as annoying. _

_ "I told you, I don't want-"_

_ "What, you don't trust me? Here, I'll show you..."_

Faces blurred together, and the rest of the words were a garbled mess, but those he did recall made no sense to him. He'd been nothing more than a little kid. Why had he known Seifer, and from where? Who were all of those people, who'd seemed to have an impact on his life? Where were they now? The questions assaulted him in a blinding flash, and he could do naught to stop them.

Why was he always such a loner? Why was he always in pain? Why did he always _always _feel the need to stop and stare when someone mentioned the _sister _that was coming to see them? The _sister _that called them on the phone every day and every night? The _sister _that was their inspiration, their reason for living when all else was lost? What was it?_! _Was he waiting for something? Someone?

Why did he despise the sight of his own empty apartment? Because it _was _empty, as he was? Did it reveal his empty heart? Destroy his empty soul?

Why did his heart race when he thought of those two small children? What had they been thinking about? What had they been doing? Was that memory even real, or was it a product of some unknown part of his imagination?

What was Seifer to him? What _was _Seifer to him?_!_

He had none of the answers, and truthfully, they drove him crazy. Just being here with Seifer eased his panic, and yet at the same time, brought it right back to the surface again. He wished they would go away.

"Shit, look out!" A panicked shout brought him back to reality with a start, and he cursed when he realized that he'd let it happen again, for an unhealthy amount of time. His mind had been anywhere but on the fight, and he'd just made a fatal mistake. Seifer's gunblade was on a collision course headed straight toward where his spleen should be, and the second he had left to react simply wasn't enough to do any good. He would be mortally wounded, and he didn't have any healing magic with him. No Guardian Forces automatically meant no magic, of course. All he had was a Hi-Potion, and he wasn't sure that would be enough for a wound like this. If too many of Squall's vital organs were hit, nothing less than a Cure or two would be enough to save him. This was _not _going to be pretty.

If the damage was bad enough, he could...die. Was he ready for that? He supposed it didn't matter. No one would miss him when he was gone. Maybe this meant he could finally rest. Squall was tired of always being the loner, the tough guy, the prodigy...everything but the person he really was, for how could you be someone you didn't yet know? With this, he might no longer have to struggle with himself.

A sigh escaped his lips...what did it speak of? Remorse? Relief? Fear? Squall didn't know, and he supposed now, he never would.

But, enough with the self-loathing. This was his own fault and he deserved it. He would just keep it at that, and he would be happy with it. Squall told himself all of this and more to quell his rising panic as he closed his eyes, heart threatening to pound out of his chest, bracing himself for the pain...however, several seconds passed by, and nothing came. Even after he heard himself shout (strange; he could have sworn it _wasn't _him) and the sound of the blade slashing against skin, he felt nothing.

Maybe his perception of time was off. That happened sometimes in life or death situations. A few more seconds passed...nothing. Still nothing. Why? There was no way that shot could have missed him.

Puzzled, he opened his eyes and looked around for Seifer. Where had he gone? He couldn't just vanish into thin air.

It didn't take long to find him, and Squall couldn't stop the shocked gasp that escaped his lips. For one horrifying second, he was completely frozen at the sight he saw. It hadn't sounded like himself shouting because it hadn't been.

Seifer lay on his side several feet away, an ever-growing stain of blood spreading on the ground beneath him. His gunblade, Hyperion, lay a short distance away, approximately two feet behind its master. With a pained groan, the elder cadet tried to push himself up, only halfway succeeding, and Squall could clearly see why. His hand was stained crimson where it clutched at a deep gash in his abdomen; his lips were clenched tight, and his face was a mask of pain. He was doing a valiant job, because any lesser man would probably be screaming, but Squall could tell, all the same. With a grimace, the elder cadet tried once again to rise, but this time, he collapsed fully onto the ground again, the hand he had used to brace himself drifting to the wound in an attempt to prevent it from bleeding out more.

_He turned away_, Squall thought, incredulous. He didn't know how he had pulled it off with so little time to act, but at the last possible second, Seifer must have turned away from Squall. His rival had been so close to hitting him, all he could do was spin in the opposite direction, keeping his gunblade so close to his own body, he had no choice but to wound himself in the process.

Squall didn't understand. Why would he do that? Why in _hell _would he do that, for him of all people?_!_ They were always at each others throats. They didn't give a damn about each other. Wasn't that right...?

His mind raced with these thoughts and more as he rushed to Seifer's side, sliding his gunblade into its holster on the way. Damn it...this was all his fault, and he had _no _healing magic.

_Stay calm, and assess the situation. Run through your options. Never panic in the face of __danger. Never falter, and whatever you do, do not freeze up. Never allow emotions to color your judgment. All SeeD cadets must be steadfast, and strong._

The text book answers raced through his head in a constant, endless loop, keeping him on the teetering edge of calm as he reached Seifer's side, stripping off his jacket and shirt in order to tear strips for bandages. He balled up his Garden-issue jacket and placed it behind Seifer's head in an attempt to make him more comfortable, although it was futile, he knew. The elder boy's face was drawn and pale; a trickle of blood ran from his mouth to his chin

He needed to stop the bleeding, or Seifer wasn't going to last much longer, and thankfully, he had a way. Quickly, Seifer's jacket and shirt were torn off and discarded, for there was no point, and certainly not enough time, to try to preserve the garments. Squall was thankful for that Hi-Potion now. It wouldn't be quite enough to heal the wound completely, judging from how deep the gash looked, but it was better than nothing. It should be enough to stabilize him, if nothing else. It _had_ to be enough.

"Ah...urgh..." Seifer tried to speak, but it came out as garbled nonsense, and he launched into a fit of harsh coughing, one that lasted far too long for Squall's comfort. He had to do this now, or he might be too late.

Without further delay, he tore off the cap and lifted Seifer's head; the other cadet's eyes were glazed and half-lidded, but he understood what was going on. He merely lie still as Squall brought the potion to his lips, and swallowed as the gritty substance slid inside of his mouth.

Slowly but surely, blood flow slowed to a trickle, and Squall could breathe again. The wound began to close up as he attempted to clean it, although all he had to work with was a small canteen filled with water. That would have to do until he could get him to the infirmary. As he suspected, the potion wasn't quite enough to heal the injury completely, so a visit was in order. The wound might even leave a scar, but that was preferable to death by far. In hindsight, it had been a really stupid idea to come to the training center with nothing but himself and his gunblade, and he vowed right then and there never to do it again. Going anywhere when you were a SeeD without some sort of healing item might as well be suicide, especially under these circumstances.

Just as Squall was wrapping his makeshift bandages around the lower part of Seifer's abdomen (he _refused _to notice how ripped the older boy was), a soft voice filtered into his ears, sounding surprisingly strong under the circumstances. His tone wasn't quite the same as it normally was, of course, but it steadily gained strength as Seifer spoke.

"I knew I should have put you in your place while I had the chance," Seifer groaned, scowling in disgust as he spat a mouthful of blood onto the ground. "You're a moron, you know that? I could have died, and if I hadn't pulled that stunt right at the end, _you _would have!"

"Don't you think I know that?" Squall hissed, tying a knot at the end of the bandages, pulling perhaps just a _bit _too tightly in his frustration. The second he'd done it, he already regretted it. Seifer grimaced, and screwed his eyes shut in an attempt to banish the pain. His lips were clenched so tightly together, they were nothing but a thin, white line.

That was childish, and Squall knew it. In an uncharacteristic show of vulnerability, Squall closed his eyes for a second, then two, opening them again only to lower them once more in shame. His hands, almost of their own accord, rested motionless on top of Seifer's chest. Rising, and falling. Rising, and falling. The motion was almost comforting to Squall...it had almost ceased forever. "I'm sorry." He'd fucked up worse than he ever had in his life, and he was going to pay for it. One way, or another.

There was a short pause, and it was truly as if the world stood still, because Squall heard nothing; not even the sound of his own breathing. It was beautiful...and it was horrifying. He couldn't decide which feeling was more powerful. Those strange, timeless moments lasted only for a second or two, and then they were gone. Surrendered to the future, once again.

That was too bad. Sometimes, Squall wished time would swallow him up and never let him go.

Seifer sighed wearily. Even without looking at him, Squall could see the expression on his face."Three syllables. Wow, I must really be _special,_" he said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Pick your chin up, puberty boy. Seeing you submissive is the most disgusting thing on the face of the planet."

Squall scowled and whipped his head toward Seifer. On second thought, he just wished he would shut up. He didn't need any wise cracks from him. They were rightfully deserved, but he had enough to deal with at the moment. "Four, if you remove the contraction," he retorted. He could be a smart ass too, if that was what his rival wanted, although he sounded sulky, even to himself.

"Did you really just use that as a come back? Oh, holy mother of...ugh. Never mind. I guess I should expect it from you by now."

"You almost died ten minutes ago, and you're still cracking jokes and trying to get a rise out of me?"

"Sure, Squall, you know it. My life's mission is to make you cry like an emo kid and slit your wrists at night. Get over yourself, and tell me what's bothering you."

That last part took Squall by surprise. How could you go from insulting someone, to caring about their well-being in one sentence? "Besides the fact that you're bleeding all over what use to be my favorite shirt? Nothing." There was no reason he should tell him anything else. Squall did _not _talk. To _anyone. _Besides, he wasn't really lying. He did like that shirt.

"Oh, my ass, nothing is bothering you! Your focus was off the entire time we were sparring, and you're spacing out more in class than you usually do. Don't tell me something is, when it isn't. You're only going to piss me off that way." With a wince, he pushed himself up into a sitting position, and although he succeeded in supporting himself, his shoulders shook from the strain. "Don't take me for a fool, Squally boy. I know a liar when I see one. You were good and ready to die when you saw my blade coming towards you."

With a feral growl, Squall seized Seifer's shoulders and roughly forced him onto the ground where he had previously lain, and before he knew it, he found himself leaning above his rival's body, legs intertwined with his, blood, sweat, and dirt mingling together on the surface of their bare skin.

"How _dare _you." Squall's voice was deceptively calm, but it was frigid; cold. His words had a terrifying ring to them, and they would have frozen most people as surely as a block of ice, but not Seifer. Of course not. He merely smirked up at him, blue-green eyes glinting in the pale light of an artificial moon.

"Truth hurts, doesn't it? Somebody has to tell it, and right now, that someone certainly isn't you." For a moment, he sounded almost apologetic, but it was only a moment. Mostly, he just sounded cruel.

"...I hate you," Squall muttered, blue eyes drifting blankly away from Seifer's face. Somewhere, anywhere but his face...he didn't know if he could take the earnestness of that stare. Those eyes seemed to strip him of everything, leaving him with nothing but his own naked soul. He couldn't have that. His soul was a hideous thing to behold. He didn't want him to see. He didn't want him to be pulled into that ugliness too.

"Are you sure about that, or are you just hiding from the truth again?" Seifer asked, and he fully expected an answer, Squall knew. Well then, he was shit out of luck. He couldn't give him one. He couldn't find it for himself.

Seconds turned to minutes, minutes turned to seconds, and Seifer continued to stare. Squall was trapped in that stare. He couldn't move; he couldn't breathe. Nothing existed except for those eyes, and he didn't know how to handle it. He wanted to break out of this spell, and yet at the same time, he felt just fine where he was.

After what was both a moment and an eternity, Seifer gripped Squall's arms and slowly pulled himself up along the length of them, struggling a little with his own weight, but he would not relent, all the same. Slowly but surely, he pulled himself up until Squall had nowhere to go but backward; forced him down and onto the ground until they were face to face, head to head, heart to heart...side by side. Seifer was lying directly on top of him; again, Squall wanted to run...but he wanted to stay.

"I didn't think you'd tell me anyway, but you don't have to. I already know. At first, I didn't want to remember either, but that was pretty damn stupid wasn't it?" Squall's eyes widened, heart pounding, slamming an erratic rhythm inside of his chest. If he didn't know better, he'd think it was going to rip right out.

_Don't look at me like that. Don't look at me with those eyes._

Seifer did anyway. He just looked directly into his eyes and smiled, and it wasn't one of those half-hearted, cocky smirks he threw around just for kicks. Squall couldn't remember ever seeing anything of this sort on his face. It was happy, and yet, it was sad. It was mischievous, and yet, it was serious. It was confused, and yet it was more certain than he'd ever seen it look. He could have gazed upon that enigma of a smile for years and years on end, but unfortunately, fate couldn't give him that long.

"I'd still rather it be you than anyone else, even after all these years." Seifer's words were passionate, and somewhere deep down inside, they were all too familiar to him. If this was a dream, he didn't want to wake up. The idea was frightening, but all the same, he wanted to bury himself in this man. He really did...didn't he? Was there any point in denying it anymore?

Seifer could see the indecision in his eyes...the nervousness, the emptiness, the crushing loneliness. He could see it all. He could see _him, _and he didn't seem to care that Squall was the most disgusting thing in the world. Was he reading his mind? If Squall didn't know better, he would think so. How else could he possibly know him so well? As it turned out though, the next moment in time wouldn't allow him to think much of anything anymore.

"What, you don't trust me? Here, I'll show you." Warm lips rested softly upon his, and Squall was too startled to do anything. Seifer was...kissing him? This however, turned out to be his last coherent thought, because Seifer chose that moment to thrust his tongue deep within the cavern of Squall's mouth, crushing his lips over Squall's, capturing him in the heat of something that was far too overwhelming for him to comprehend all at once. Tender suddenly became urgent; lust and love were one and the same. Squall had no idea what was happening, and he had no idea how to handle it...he would have to rely on instinct instead. Emotion overwhelmed and guided Squall as he tentatively brushed the tip of his tongue against Seifer's, and as it turned out, that one bold move was enough. Seifer moaned and arched against him, and it must have hurt, but he didn't seem to care.

They went on just like that, touching, teasing...trembling; for how long, Squall could never tell, but it might as well have been forever. That was what it felt like.

He was terrified. He'd kissed a girl before, but it was more out of obligation than anything else. This was so powerful...so different. And yet, it was so familiar, he knew he'd felt it before. So all-consuming, and it was just like this. He was terrified...but he was happy, and that scared him all the more.

With tenderness Squall thought he'd never deserve, Seifer rested his forehead gently upon his, chuckling softly when he notice a single tear running freely down Squall's cheek. Oh, no. Not only was Squall _crying _(he did _not _cry), Seifer had that look about him again. The one that said he was about to do something that irritated the hell out of him.

With a mischievous smile, Seifer chased the tear drop with his tongue and licked it off Squall's cheek, much to the chagrin of the young SeeD cadet below him. So outrageous...and so, so Seifer.

"Cry baby...I told you. Grown-ups do it all the time. I was just practicing."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wow, this is the longest oneshot I've written in awhile. Maybe even ever.

I had a lot of fun with this, in so many different ways =). Although I've written shounen-ai, this is my first slash fic. I thought about adding sex, but I would probably mangle it horribly, so I left it with this. Besides, even if I could write sex scenes, I don't think it would have happened so soon after semi-realizing how much they love each other.

The prose was so much fun to mess with, because Squall is such an interesting character. I wanted to give the readers a sense that he was trapped within his own thoughts, and that he was a little disconnected from reality. The way he sees it, his own world is safer than the outside. Either he is utterly focused and determined (most of the time, that's the Squall we see) or he is inside of his own mind, talking in circles and driving himself nuts with his own inner-thoughts.

I hope I have personified Squall and Seifer well. If you see anything that could use improvement, don't hesitate to let me know. Reviews of all sorts are much appreciated ^_^


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